


i could go on

by yuqi (aone)



Category: Original Work
Genre: i don't wanna tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 10:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17282447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aone/pseuds/yuqi
Summary: i just really, really need to get this outdo not readif you are at a low, mentallyi don't want to bring you down





	i could go on

**Author's Note:**

> i just really, really need to get this out  
>  **do not read** if you are at a low, mentally  
> i don't want to bring you down

my eyes water when i don’t want them to

i bring my hands up to wipe my tears  
and consider balling my fists in order to fight the dark turns my mind is taking  
all of my thoughts are hitching a ride on a wayward train  
heading for an abrupt end because something jerked the railroad switch

my mom’s in the other room and i get the idea that i should talk to her—  
about my fears, my anxiety, my concerns, my truths  
and suddenly my eyes are wet again and  
i remember the last time i broke down in front of her  
it was about a terrible grade, a pathetic reason to cry, right?  
but already she told me she was disappointed  
before i could talk about anything else

i find my shoulders tense and up to my ears more often than not  
my knees curled up to my chest and my head down frequently, if not always  
it’s like my body’s trying to protect me, from external forces  
but how is it going to be able to shield me from harm if the harm is coming from the inside?

bottling up emotions is bad, i know, but i can’t help it  
i don’t want to be a burden  
i don’t want to be vulnerable  
i don’t want to be cracked open  
i don’t want to be labeled an attention whore  
and i know that it’s not wrong to seek help, vent, cry, _scream_ if you have to,  
but it’s my irrational brain that’s taking the reins from me  
and it’s telling me, shouting at me, hissing at me

that  
i  
don’t  
deserve  
attention

 _you barely deserve pity_  
_why should you get sympathy?_  
_your friends have it harder than you_  
_you should be grateful_

i could go on  
but i’m tired  
and my vision is getting blurry again


End file.
